I wonder how skeet ulrich feels about the skeet skeet phrase and and what it denotes.
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
Randomize