I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
one might say we're banned from that church
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Randomize
