there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
Randomize