haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
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