he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
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I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
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