Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
That's when you crack a 10am beer
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
Randomize
