Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
Randomize
