Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
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