just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
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