just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
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