just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Randomize
