I am in a vortex of obligation.
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
So I just went to clothing optional bar
Randomize
