Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
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