But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
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