So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
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