Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
I have post one night stand depression
Randomize
