you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
Randomize
