He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
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