a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Randomize
