so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
Randomize
