so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
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