The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
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