Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
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