what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
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