i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
Randomize
