she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
Randomize