I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Randomize
