i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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