I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize