i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
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