Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
Randomize
