I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
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