wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
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