I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
Let's paint friendship bongs
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Randomize
