ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize