i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
Randomize
