Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
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