i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
try to milk me bitch
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