dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
Randomize
