Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
So much Jack, so little girl.
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
Randomize
