So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Randomize
