it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
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