You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
Randomize
