Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
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