Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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