He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
I deserve to be covered in dicks
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
tell me about the eggs
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
Randomize
