were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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