I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
Randomize
