I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
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