Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
