Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
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