I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
Randomize
