She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
