I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
wat bout pragnant strippers??
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
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