dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
