so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
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