im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Randomize
