its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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