if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
Randomize
