she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
