is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Randomize
