Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
