between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
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