"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
Liz is crying about burritos again.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
Randomize
