Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
Randomize