Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
Randomize
