Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
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