wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
