I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
Randomize
