I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
When did angry sex become our thing?
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
Randomize
