Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
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