it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
Randomize
