I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
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