I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
Randomize
