Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
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