Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
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