what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Randomize
