We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
Randomize
