I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
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