They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
Floor bacon is actually really good
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
Randomize
