tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
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