who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Randomize
