and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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