I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
Randomize
