dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize