I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
I just threw up on my dentist
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
PS: I just woke up from my shower
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
