I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
Randomize