my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
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