I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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