bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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