Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
Randomize
