Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
