you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize
