Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
