party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
