I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
Randomize
