I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
