Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
