so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
Randomize
