Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
Randomize
