she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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