his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
How's work?
Spinning.
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
True strength comes from lack of pants
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
Randomize
