He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
it's like iHOP with fire
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
Randomize