Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
