i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Randomize
