bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
Princesses don't give blow jobs
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
Randomize
