What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
Randomize