Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
Randomize
