I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Randomize
