oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
