I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
