mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
Randomize
